Dear Readers, Today we will start to discuss on how the negotiating process and reconciling opponent’s needs can be used to bring about collaborative Win-Win outcomes.
The First Point is “Using the Process to Meet Needs“
At the outset of a negotiation you should always come on the velvet, not coarse sandpaper. State your case moderately, scratch your head, and admit you might even be in error. Remember, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Don’t hesitate to say, “I need your help with this problem, ’cause I dunno.“
Always address the other side with tact and concern for their dignity. Even if they have a reputation for being obnoxious, negative, and contrary, they will be disarmed by an approach that conveys positive expectations.
If given a chance, most people try to be accommodating and play the role suggested for them. In other words, people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave.
Try to see the problem from their point of view or frame of reference. Listen with empathy, which means stop yourself from working on counter arguments while they’re speaking. Don’t ever be abrasive, because how you say something will often determine the repsonse you get.
Avoid using absolutes in responding to them. Learn to preface your replies with “What I think I may have heard you say …“
This “Lubricant demeanor” will soften your words, consecrate your actions, and minimize the friction. Follow these guidelines and you will acquire an ally as both of you search for a mutually acceptable solution.
Let me show how this approach worked in a brief encounter I had several years ago.
An Associate and I were in Manhattan on business. Since we had some time before our first appointment that morning, we were having a leisurely breakfast. After ordering, my companion went outside for a newspaper.
5 Minutes later he returned empty-handed. He was shaking his head and mumbling expletives under his breath.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
He responded, “These damn people! I walked up to this newsstand across the street, and as I took a paper, I handed the guy a $10 bill. Instead of getting change, he pulled the paper right out from under my arm. There I was in a state of shock and he started lecturing me that he was not in the business of making change during the rush hour.“
Concluding breakfast, we discussed the episode. My companion took the position that the arrogance was in the air and that his adversary was such an “Ornery Cuss” that he would never cash $10 bill for anyone.
Taking up the challenge, I crossed the street as my friend watched from outside the restaurant.
As the Newsstand Proprietor turned to me I said meekly, “Sir … excuse me … but I wonder if you could help me with a problem. I’m a stranger in town and I need a New York Times. I only have a $10 bill. What can I do?“
Without hesitation, he handed me the paper and said, “Here, take it; get the change and come back!“
Exuding confidence, I triumphantly strode across the street with the “Trophy” in my hand. My associate, who had observed what he later called “The Miracle on 54th Street,” was shaking his head.
Casually, I remarked, “Score another one for the process. It’s all in the Approach!“
The Next Point we are going to discuss is
“Harmonizing or Reconciling Needs“
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