Dear Readers, How can we gain the commitment of others to you? Check our Last Part to follow up with this.
Let’s say you’re with an organization, and someone you’re Negotiating with is giving you a hard time. Persuade that person to be concerned about you, not the institution, or to be concerned about you via the Institution. Say the equivalent of:
“I happen to be with so-and-so — but didn’t you promise me you were going to do this? I was counting on you. I assured my boss about it. I told my family. I guaranteed the auditor. You aren’t going to let me down, are you?“
When the other party asks, “You aren’t taking this personally, are you?“
You positively reply, “Yes!” 
In other words, “Lay it on” the other party. Get him or her emotionally involved. It’s difficult for people to back off if you say the equivalent of, “I’d appreciate it if you’d do this as a favor to me.” 
Such phrases are extremely effective in personalizing situations. Of course, if you create an obligation on your part, it’s understood that you’ll reciprocate in kind when appropriate occasions arise.
This leads to the next question: How can you personalize yourself in some of your Negotiation encounters?
Following are some down-to-earth Illustrations:
Here’s the first Example.
Let’s say you’re driving 45 miles in hour in a 35 mile zone. A squad car, concealed in a shrub-lined driveway, bags you on its radar. A siren blares as it trails you in merciless pursuit. You curb your auto, muttering because of the inconvenience. A cop steps from the squad car, then ambles toward you, ticket pad in hand, eyes unreadable behind one-way-mirror sunglasses.
You feel as helpless as a small munchkin trying to play defense against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There’s no guaranteed way to Negotiate yourself out of this, but you can decrease your chances of getting a ticket in this situation.
Initially, get out of your car in a non-threatening manner. Meet him (sometimes today it’s her) with a complaint approach, as if to say, “I’m totally in your hands.” Do not sit in your vehicle with the windows rolled up. For all he knows, you may be high on drugs or a criminal with a handgun in your lap.
Nowadays, some officers get shot by crazies in similar situations. In essence, think of his/her needs and concerns, as well as your own.
While you tender your license, the turning point in the encounter will occur. You have 3 purposes at this juncture of the interaction:

1. To get mind off the ticket.
2. To have him see you in personal terms.
3. To prevent, or at least delay, his pressing his ballpoint pen against the pad of tickets

Start off by saying, “Boy, am i glad I found you, officer, because I’m list! I’ve been driving around in circles! How do I get to such-and-such a street?“
He’ll probably ignore your question for the moment and quickly interject, “Do you realize you were speeding?“
You now steer him back to the question by saying, “Yes, but I’m lost. I don’t know where I am!“
The Officer will invariably provide directions. While he does this, as an endless number of subsidiary questions — anything to keep him from writing. After he’s spent 5 minutes giving you explicit directions, and you’ve acted properly grateful, he’ll return to the subject at hand — your traffic violation.
At this point, try to make the officer feel Important by talking about the danger and difficulty of his job. Portray yourself as a law-abiding citizen, an average working person beset by problems. 
When he returns to your excessive speed, say, “Gee, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that — It was just that I was thinking about—“Here, you recount personal dilemma that you confide in him. Everyone has something: a tyrannical boss, a sick spouse, an aged and arthritic parent, an installment payment that can’t be met, an unfaithful mate, or a disappointing child.
Make sure you let him know anything else that might bear upon his decision. Assuming you have a record without “blemi,” remark, “This will be my first ticket after 12 years of driving. I’d hate to have this tarnish my proud record!” Chances are, he’ll hesitate. Cops are reluctant to give anyone a first citation.
Whatever your excuse, it’s better if it’s unique and different. Keep an mind that this law-enforcement official has practically heard them all. If your saga is special and interesting, it meets his need for some entertainment in what is often a routine and monotonous job.
Moreover, he now has a “war story” to recount to his partner or colleagues back at the stationhouse.
Speaking of the uncommon excuse, I was told his story by a police commissioner at the F.B.I Academy: A policeman was about to ticket a person for driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Suddenly, the accused innocently asked, “Officer, has it occurred to you that the arrow might be pointing in the wrong direction?“
The story teller assumed me that this actually happened and that the ticket was never written — presumably as a reward for creativity. As Ripley said, Believe it — or not!Whatever you do, don’t remain seated in your car and give the officer a hard time when he queries you. Never make “Macho” statement like: “So, give me a ticket! I’ll fight this all the way to the Supreme Court!“
“I want you to know I’m a person of great wealth and influence.“
“Radar’s no good, and you know it. Scientifically, your apparatus isn’t all that accurate.“
Women are probably more effective than men as Negotiators in such situations. Statistics show that when a speeding auto is clocked by radar, there is no awareness of the driver’s gender. Yet somehow, as a group, women receive about 25% fewer citations per thousand drivers than men.
Most women, when stopped, seem to follow the techniques we are outlining. They get out of the car, seem contrite, act friendly, and try to relate to the officer on a human level. I grant you that the 25% variation occurred with predominantly male police officers.
However, even with the ever increasing number of females in Law Enforcement, I don’t believe the statistics will change much. Let’s face it, in these instances, many women are better at “Personalizing“.

Let’s look at a 2nd Example in our Next Part.

“Negotiating Anything, Any Place : Taking it Personally (Part 3)“
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